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'Twas the night before XXXMas...
A few years ago, one of our biggest - and what I mean by biggest has NOTHING to with his girth... really... gave us his version of the classic poem, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas featuring Amber & Margarite - The Sisters LeMay! What he lacks in girth (really, I mean that), he makes up in mirth. However, I must warn you that it is a bit naughty - well, it's actually a LOT naughty and if you're easily offended by dirty words and the idea of a certain Christmas Eve visitor pleasuring himself... you were warned... Thanks, Todd!
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through their hovel
The Sisters LeMay were beginning to shovel.
"We've started too late," cried a panicky Amber,
"For through all this stuff Santa never can clamber."
"You're right, dear sister," Margarite in despair
Replied as her dust mop whirled 'round in the air.
"I fear that we've left our spring cleaning too long
For piles are too deep and the odor too strong."
"Plug your nose," Amber cried, "and we'll work like old Harry
Lay to with a will and the rubbish we'll carry.
We'll get it so clean that no frowning it raises,
And Santa himself will be singing our praises."
"Oh, it's fine to be clean, sister dear," Maggie said
"But our naughty behavior just fills me with dread!
We cuss and we swear and we drink waaaay to much,
And the way that we frolic with boy toys is such
That Santa may ditch us and give us a pass -
Just a lump of black coal and a kick in the ass."
"Think hard," Amber said, "for a treat that'll please,
And get us our presents and goodies with ease.
No cookies for Santa - that's way too Plebeian
Or the presents we want we will never be seein'."
"I know," hollered Maggie, "I've got just the trick -
I'll give Santa all my back issues of Thick,
And along with the latest edition of Inches,
They'll be such a treat that our prospects it clinches.
If that doesn't get us both back on his list,
Then no presents we'll get and we both will be pissed."
"Dear sister," cried Amber, "I'm right on your track,
Let's see what we've got that'll tickle his sack.
We've lots of sex toys to excite and to please,
A dildo to probe and a cock ring to squeeze;
A harness of leather with a whip just to match,
And a little tin cup for his jism to catch."
"That's great," Maggie said, "and I'm sure he'll thank us,
And maybe with luck he will offer to spank us."
Their goodies they sat on the dining room table
And next to each one they placed a neat label:
Dear Santa, we love you! We love you, Saint Nick!
Please leave us some presents and do it real quick!
Then right as they finished they heard such a noise
That they knew it was Santa, just loaded with toys.
So they hid in the closet, the better to watch,
And maybe, just maybe, get a view of his crotch.
They heard in the chimney a roar and a clatter
And Santa's voice calling, "I'm ready to scatter
My seed on the ground, for most of my toys
Have gone to those luscious young twenty-ish boys.
They make me so horny I barely can stand it
And baby, oh baby, do I need to one-hand it.
Now I'm here at LeMays' and what should I find
But male magazines of the porniest kind!
It's just what I need, and to show that I'm grateful,
Of presents I'll give those sisters a crate full!"
With a nod of his head, Santa went straight to work,
And tearing his clothes off, he started to jerk.
In hiding they gasped as to Amber said Maggie,
"I never knew Santa to be quite so faggy!"
They watched from the closet that jolly old elf
As he giggled and wiggled and fondled himself.
At the sight of Saint Nick standing there in the buff,
Sister Amber cried, "Heavens! That's really enough!"
"Amber, dear," Maggie said, "You can call me a grinch
But that's over ten inches if it's even an inch!"
"Ten inches, dear sister," Amber said in alarm,
"That thing's so damned big it'll do us both harm!"
Old Santa, he gave not a thought to the hiding sisters
But pumped it so hard that he gave himself blisters.
He shot up the chimney a load so gigantic
That Prancer and Dancer got ever so frantic;
They pawed and they snorted and hollered, "By gum!
That's the biggest and longest that he's ever cum!"
It was on with his pants then and on with his shirt
As into the eggnog he gave one last squirt.
He called as he zipped up and drove out of sight,
"Happy wet dreams to all, and to all a good night!"